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拿到审稿意见是一件值得高兴的事情，说明期刊认可这篇文章，意味着已经有一半成功发表的机会啦。然而，审稿意见中指出：句子过于冗长，需要做一定的简单化处理。那具体该如何拆分修改呢？

虽然长句在语法上可能并没有问题，但往往会给审稿人造成理解方面的障碍，因此，建议尽量将句子控制在15-25个单词之间，一旦超过35个单词，就应考虑拆分了。

举例：

Because early childhood, defined as the first five years of one's life, is a critical time in terms of not only physical but also social development, studies have focused a significant amount of attention on this period, and this section discusses researchers' key findings and their implications for the current study.

这个句子在意思表达和语法上均无问题，但明显是一个长难句，最好拆分优化为：

Early childhood, defined as the first five years of one's life, is a critical time in terms of both physical and social development. Hence, studies have focused significant attention on this period. This section discusses researchers' key findings and their implications for the current study.

这样一来，句子所表达的意思是不是就清晰明了许多？也方便审稿人在第一时间明白你想表达的内容。

本篇就来为大家讲解，如何拆分和修改论文中冗长的句子。

1 拆分从句

从句是造成句子冗长的主要原因，有时甚至会出现从句嵌套从句的情况，导致句子结构复杂，大大增加了审稿人的阅读难度。

这时，通过使用多个简单句，来代替复杂的长句，同样能表达出相同的意思。

修改前：

In his introduction to Mumia Abu-Jamal, Live from Death Row, John Edgar Wideman asserts that today's neo-slave narratives—the often told story of an African American shifting from a location of captivity to one of freedom, one of degradation to one of enlightenment, or any of a number of other value laden dichotomies—rather formulaically follow a trajectory that actually reinforces the social dynamics of racism they are intended to combat, and while often illuminating and encouraging, such narratives still leave us with characters who inhabit an enslaved world because they remain within the same political economic system, continue to hold to the same cultural myths, and fail to resist the dominant power structure, only now they live north of the Ohio River.

修改后：

The contemporary neo-slave narrative tells the story of an African American shifting from a location of captivity to one of freedom, one of degradation to one of enlightenment, or any of a number of other positive/negative dichotomies.  Of this narrative form, however, John Edgar Wideman suggests that today's neo-slave narratives formulaically follow a trajectory that actually reinforces the social dynamics of racism they are intended to combat.  Therefore, while often illuminating and encouraging, neo-slave narratives leave us with characters who continue to inhabit an enslaved world.  Despite gaining freedom by moving north of the Ohio River, they fail to resist the dominant power structure and thus remain within the same slavery-based system.

从以上例子中不难看出，通过拆分从句，段落变得更为简洁明了，行文逻辑也更加清晰。

2 拆分联系性不强的句子

一篇论文中，作者可能想要表达多个内容，为了避免将这些内容杂糅在一起，首先，可以将想要表达的内容罗列出来，之后，观察它们之间的联系，接着，将关联度不高的内容放到不同的句子中，从而做到逻辑清晰，一个句子重点表达一个内容。

修改前：

On the tops of crinoids is a circle of plates called radials, which in some primitive crinoids is further divided into a lower inferradial and an upper superradial, and below the radials is a circlet of plates called basals.

修改后：

Because this sentences simply relays information, it can be divided into three sentences without any adverse effect: On the tops of crinoids is a circle of plates called radials. In some primitive crinoids, these radials are divided into lower inferradials and upper superradials. Below the radials is a circlet of plates called basals.

原句将3个信息杂糅在了一起，审稿人无法直接获得作者想要传递的3个要点。

而修改后的句子，将3个要点拆分为了3个句子，实现了要点间的泾渭分明，降低了审稿人的阅读难度。

3 拆分描述实验步骤的句子

当大家想使用长句，来描述实验步骤和因果关系时，不妨考虑，使用过渡词将多个描述实验步骤的短句连接起来。

修改前：

The progression of liver disease to later stages occurs when hepatic stellate cells are activated by reactive oxygen species and cytokines such as TNF and produce profibrotic mediators, which cause the expression of receptors for factors such as PDGF.

修改后：

The progression of liver disease to later stages occurs when hepatic stellate cells are activated by reactive oxygen species and cytokines such as TNF. Activation leads to the production of profibrotic mediators, which cause the expression of receptors for factors such as PDGF.

拆分后的句子①：专门描述了有关疾病进展起始阶段的信息。

拆分后的句子②：专门描述了具体的效应。

拆分后，疾病发展的过程更加清晰了，信息也更为全面。

总结

短句并非一定就是最好的选择，关键是要有“读者思维”，作者应从审稿人和读者的角度出发，考虑他们能否在第一时间就了解到论文的全貌。

建议大家在完成初稿后，专门抽出时间，对冗长的句子进行拆分和重组，尽量修改、删减晦涩难懂的长难句。

关于冗长句子的修改拆分，你还有什么好建议吗？

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参考资料：

[1] https://www.vanderbilt.edu/writing/resources/handouts/clarifying-long-sentences/